Archive for the listen Category

Rants of a spoilt brat.

Posted in Humor, listen on August 1, 2012 by Yemi

Hello,

I (we) assume that the ‘post-a-day-as-far-as-there-is-internet challenge’ is kind of off owing to the fact that I have a crappy network service provider (never use espresso) but I will be coming to you with a post as frequently as I can.

Today’s post is written by an anonymous guest writer; apparently she does not want anyone to know that she is loaded and ‘the last 2 words of the title.’ RATHER THAN ENJOY, I URGE YOU TO REFLECT.

My song for this summer is The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes featuring Ryan Tedder. It is not just because I am madly in love with Travis McCoy; I have had a relatively horrible summer so far. Relatively because I guess I still have a better summer than most but anyway by my standards it is a horrible summer. It is not entirely because I did not plan; it is because most of what I wanted was out of my control. So I was left chasing pavements and hoping for the impossible.

My plan for the summer was work for a while in London, go to Paris with this cute guy I had been getting it on with and then go back to Nigeria to work. Of course the highlight was going to Paris with this potential boyfriend. I guess man proposes God disposes because my plans were greatly disposed of. I should have seen the red lights coming. My first London internship fell through and got cancelled, I still have a relatively good internship so far but it is not the one I wanted. It is not the best and it is extremely boring. I could have even managed the internship but the real kicker came when this amazing guy I had built my summer around got back with his ex. I was not angry, I was just dizzy for a long time; imagine being punched in the stomach? Have you ever been hit by a car? I was at work when I got the call from my best friend, she was like ‘babe I have bad news’. I did not react at first because my friend is quite the drama queen. After she told me, everything became hazy. I was confused. What had happened? What had changed in 3 days that I had last spoken to him? Oh! Well when it comes to guys I have learnt to deal with disappointment. He came to my house the next day and said he was sorry. I laughed and said it was fine. What else can you do? Anyway I joined the boxing club and those punching bags have felt the full wrath of his disappointment. He refunded my part of the trip payment and now he is going with her. I guess now I know what it feels like to watch your prince ride away with the wrong girl. Lol! Ok fine maybe I’m being too dramatic but who wouldn’t be utterly gutted?

When God closes a door he opens a window, to be fair he opened a bigger window. I sort of kind of met up with an old friend and there has been kind of a flame rekindled. He is in London over the summer and he is having a shit time like me so we are able to meet up and moan. And this new guy is way richer then Paris boy, please don’t judge me. I’m not a gold-digger I’m just getting what’s mine.

Anyway back to the song, I have chosen this song because it encouraged me. Reminded me not to give up, held me together, showed me that sometimes getting to the top is not always some rosy road that I have always been on. My favourite part of the song is

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can’t take no more (c’mon)
Just remember what you’re here for
Cuz I know Imma damn sure
Give em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life ’til we’re dead.
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter
That’s what they’ll say to me, say to me, say to me,
This one’s a fighter

Even at my shitty job, the people are cool and friendly. I guess every dark cloud has a silver lining. I’m still holding out for a brilliant summer, hopefully it will come. The song is for everybody who wants something really badly. It is all about how bad you want it and what you will do to get it. Forget any hater; fuck anybody who says you can’t get what you want. You can just hold on and hold out.

My summer is not over, I’m still hoping for the best summer. I still have 2 months of vacation time. I know and I’m sure it will get better.

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GREATER THINGS.

Posted in listen with tags , , , on February 24, 2012 by Yemi

I was at the agege market yesterday with my mum, she went to purchase some items. That was not going to be my first time going there but each time I go I never want to go back there again….. I am sure right now you will be asking why? But in the course of this post, you would understand better.

I have come to love seeing beautiful things around me, whether artificial or natural, I don’t care what you do to attain such beauty all I know is that I want to see beautiful things and beautiful people around me. I don’t come from a home like that of the Dangote’s or the Adenuga’s, both my parents are retired but they ensure they give me all the necessary things I need to survive and they still find room to add luxury. I am so grateful to God for counting me as part of the privileged few that don’t roam the streets looking for their next meal or looking for a place to rest their heads, I am not part of those that their parents find it hard to pay their school fees. I am privileged to look around my parent’s house and see beauty and so it saddens my heart when I get into another man’s quarters and he cannot afford to cloth his children and put food on the table or send his child to school or even give his children proper health care. It’s just sad.

The next question is what have I done to help? Nothing. Is it the meager amount of money that I drop from time to time in the donation boxes of charity organizations that will brighten their future? Certainly not. The donations are barely enough to take care of the motherless and the crippled talk less of the able that strive daily to make their poor ends meet. Well at my age and level I can’t really do much as I am still a bit dependent on someone else’s wealth but it does not justify my silence or maybe it does. The least I think I can do is to make a resolution to do whatever it is I can do in my power to assist those who cannot fend for themselves. The government might have failed but will humanity then fail at assisting its own kind.

I remember a particular day when I was coming back from the airport, I got stuck in traffic and I saw this woman with her child barely up to a year old tied on her back.. The child looked lifeless but I couldn’t say much from afar. What amazed me was that she was filling up a very dirty keg with water she was fetching from a muddy stagnant puddle of rain water. I wanted to think otherwise until I saw her gulp the water down. The sight was infuriating and it brought out all sort of irk in me but still I did nothing to alleviate the woman’s condition. Maybe I didn’t care enough or it was just not my duty. So what right did I have to be angry, what business did my emotions have with feeling pity when it was not going to make me a better person but rather a weak person.

Watching videos in school about kids suffering and needing help used to stir me to soberness and I noticed the videos got everybody in the auditorium saying “aww” and then it will get them looking for the least change in their pocket, let’s say anything less than #50. I am not speaking for myself here, I like to think I am a bit more considerate. The minute they step out of the auditorium they completely forget what it was that made their hearts feel a slight tremor. We are only human and I agree.

The pictures and videos of these less privileged individuals became increasingly more and I resolved that if I didn’t have any plan to save them from their predicament, I can as well just shut my heart and so I did but one thing that still managed to break the seal I had now placed on my heart was that despite the situation these individuals were facing, they still managed to adorn their faces with a bright smile and that is one reason I love this nation. We encourage each other to appreciate what we have got without even knowing. We are a happy people.

From all my experience, although short, I have come to understand that our emotions are meant for something greater than pity. They are meant for positive change. We were not created emotional beings so that we could be weak. Heck no, we have these emotions to make us stronger, to tie the bond of unity where someone else has broken the link. Our emotions are meant for others, they are meant to make us human and being human does not entail weakness, it entails resilience in the face of weakness. Our emotions are meant for greater things. Cast away the fear and anxiety, the belittlement, the ego and act for positive change.

A SHORT POST.

Posted in listen with tags , on February 23, 2012 by Yemi

DAY 8 OF 10 DAY CHALLENGE.

*Coughs* First of, I want to make it clear that yesterday’s post was totally fictional, none of that BS happened. I am glad you enjoyed it but please ooh, nobody should fall my hand by saying that shit really happened, it was just for your amusement.

Today the very amazing Kemi will be gracing my blog with her awesome ability. I once asked her to marry me (I wasn’t so sure if I meant it or not) and without thinking twice, she bluntly said ‘No.’ Long story short; She killed my ego. I should not be sharing stories like this with y’all… don’t know what is wrong with yours truly.

May I announce that this challenge will end most likely tomorrow, my internet will expire soon and I can’t be posting from my phone plus I have not had a good night rest in days and it’s beginning to have its toll on me.

Anyway, I leave you with my…… ehm, how do they introduce guest writers again…. Wo sha read and Enjoy.

Kemi Rambles.

I was jejely being a weist and playing temple run on my own when Yemi Johnson (I’m used to calling him. Yemi Johnson from high school) sent me a text saying he wants a post from me; I’m like what is wrong with this child disturbing my peace ehn? To tell you the truth, I’m suffering from a serious case of writer’s block. Even though Larry Sushey says it does not exist, I guess I’m a mutant.

I just finished writing my first professional examination and I don’t have any brain juice left. That shit sucked the creativity out of me.

I asked Yemi for a muse. Yemi; useless as always, could not help my situation.

I racked my brain. Nothing.

Yemi finally asked me to write about Grey’s Anatomy or just ramble.. So I ramble..

Lol. Cool story.

So I got stuck while trying to ramble and I did not want to bore you guys with my med school stories so I decided to tread the deep path since I have lost my funny bone.

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I was just thinking about how amazing it was that I had become really good friends with this particular girl even though I had misjudged her.

The first time I saw her, she was wearing this uber short dress and I tagged her ‘slutty’. I didn’t even get to know her.

I know you have heard it time and time again “don’t judge a book by its cover” the saying cannot be overemphasized.

So back to this my friend. I tagged her “annoying” because she always had this air of happiness around her and I’m like “what is making this one happy sef?”

Without saying even a word to her, I disliked her and tagged her “bitch” yet again when I heard certain things about her and things she had done in the past.

Now, I feel the need to apologize to her because she was wrongly judged and who am I to judge anyone when I’m not even near perfect? Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes.

It turns out that this my friend is just a free-spirited somebody that has a different lease in life. She really doesn’t care about what people say and is blessed with a kind heart.

Different people go through different things and the things they go through may affect their actions, behaviors and how they come off.

Some people have problems at home.

Some people may be traumatized for one reason or the other.

It may be a medical condition of some sort.

That nympho may have been abused sexually.

That alcoholic may be drinking away his sorrow; trying to forget his troubles.

The crack head too.

The bully/bitch may have ego/self esteem issues.

That was me trying to be deep.

Thanks for reading and #GetToKnow… Don’t be fooled by a plastic smile.

 

 

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I am sure as the ocean line that this post changed y’all for the better and just so you know, I am not the friend she is talking about. You can read her art here.

 

EVERYDAY FOR THE THIEF.

Posted in listen with tags , , , , on February 15, 2012 by Yemi

DAY 2 OF 10 DAY CHALLENGE.

DISCLAIMER.

This poem was brought about by the muse Teju Cole provided in his book titled “EVERYDAY FOR THE THIEF.” So if you don’t find the poem interesting not because you don’t like poems but because the poem just doesn’t have what it takes to be one, lay your blames on Teju Cole, I’m sure he would not mind. BTW my poems are not crappy.

p.s: the poem is short, so read and enjoy.

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I settled down to read a book

“EVERYDAY FOR THE THIEF”

I am halfway through the book

And I am not quite eager to finish

This book is not a bad read, I idolize the author

Somehow, somewhere I miss the title’s punch line

Not unless Lagos is the thief.

A fly buzzes nearby and steals my attention

Definitely the fly is a thief in my moment

The author deserves a 10 for the title. What an insight.

He blabs about the noise and distraction in Lagos

The duo rob the mind of its sanity and creativity

I try to reason with the author

But then my mum’s voice over the telephone is a notch too high for me to concentrate

I go through the paragraph for the umpteenth time while trying to make sense of what mum is saying. Typical gossip.

I deafen myself to the other noises in the background

A genetic variation common among the original land owners

I read a bit further and ponder a bit more

I pick up my dictionary to check words I don’t know. Typical me.

I will not use the words generously like a famous pastor I know

For I don’t want to be left befuddled and abased like his every Sunday congregation. Ignorance kills.

I return back to my book

The author confesses the awesomeness of the superior intellect of those who have the ability to concentrate in the Lagos noise.

I tend to exaggerate a tad.

I open up my mind to the noises in the both distant and near me.

I feel like a maestro as the noise poco a poco till the crescendo forms a musical piece of pristine grandeur.

Another ability of pure born and bred Lagosians.

The powerful duo of Mozart and Bach cannot beat the rhythm that is now in my head

My muse to beautiful and time worthy creations

My creative juices begin to flow and I toss the book aside

I curb the flow with a white pad, the trigger to my imaginative endowment

It flows without caution, my period must end on this pad

And so it did in my last verse

I am a Lagosian and I own this land

The exhaust intoxicates me. I call it liquor

The noise inspires me. I call it music

The stale air caresses my member. I call it ecstasy

Amidst all the amok, I find hysteria

The people never dull in putting on a show

Embrace Lagos as my flow ends with this period(.)

 

FRIEND ZONE.

Posted in listen, Stories with tags , , , on December 25, 2011 by Yemi

Question of the day: Who replaced the ‘Christ’ in Christmas and Christian with ‘X’……… I have never seen Jesus ‘X’ in the bible before.

Yay! Today is xmas day *dips hand in red bag and hands out gifts, spots the babe in an incredibly cleavage revealing dress and shouts Ho Ho Ho, come sit on santa’s leg* This post was meant to be up on the 24th but got my hands tied up in some ish plus I spent an amazing 2hrs on an incredibly stupid queue at that new shoprite in ikeja, (cool place for not setting P, only if u want to get broke).

Anyway I bring to you my first guest blogger, one of my favorite seniors back in BMJS, it’s no other person than Mr. Morgan (@Mhorghan for twitter folks).

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Today, am going to dissect the much talked about and dreaded friend zone.*wears lab coat*
As xmas approaches there has been a flurry of p setting going on and who better to set p with than whoever put you in this fix. There seems to be a general agreement that christmas would totally flop without the opposite sex. How true is this though? Before ‎​I proceed, I would like to define setting p. my tweet fam. have already seen this (ff @mhorghan :D)
*wears nerd glasses*
Setting p: a temporary activity undertaken to obtain a unique service. Thank you!:).. Moving on…
Friend zone is what you attain after you fail to impress the person you’re attracted to! #shikena.. There’s a big misconception that only dudes find themselves in this situation! Yea, its rampant among boys but it’s really terrible for a girl to be languishing here. Kindly replace masculinity with femininity where you deem fit.
Well…if you don’t know when you’re stuck in this situation.. Umm.. this post is not for you!..choi!!who’s crying there!??..okay..lemme explain a little.
It’s impossible not to know when you’re stuck in friend zone..You always want to spend time with her cos she’s on your mind a lot(like 20 outta 24hrs). She tells you about some other potential boyfriends. You think all her pm’s are directed at you. You hear phrases like: “I can talk to you about anything,“ “You‘re really a nice guy,” “You‘re like a brother to me,” “You‘re my best friend,” and “You understand me.” You’re longing for something more but she keeps telling you “thanks for being my friend”(emphasis on “friend”)..so many pointers..it’s like doing everything a boyfriend would do-without the benefits!:(.hey,you can stop crying now.)
Now that ‎​I have ascertained your position, there’s only one solution..GTFO!..Yes, for your continual sanity! don’t be the Mayor of friend zone.
How to leave the friendship zone
1) PRAY: *singing”prayer is the key, prayer is the key…”* never under-estimate the power of prayer. According to the W.H.O, 53% of people at ‘yaba left’ are there because of friend zone related issues. Can you see why you have to pray now?
2)DROP HINTS: hug her tighter. not those brief hugs that feel like a loose change!..Touch her. Her elbows, cheek, neck, hair..let her become accustomed to your touch (Am not saying touch her boobs tho!).‎If she doesn’t like it she would let you know. Don’t be desperate, RELAX! You may just get into one of those intense moments…and your friend zone roadblock is finally removed.
3)BREAK THE ‘NICE GUY‘/’SWEET GAL’ CAST: this should be an entirely new post ’cause this is your biggest task! People stuck in friend zone are always the ‘MR nice guys’ or ‘sweet gals’. Trying to make other people comfortable but doing so at the expense of your own emotions. The ladies see you as a shoulder they can cry on, someone to un-burden their thoughts to but NOTHING MORE. You have to break this cast. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but you should have your stop sign.
4)APPROACH: well..this can be avoided if no. 2 goes smoothly. You have to straighten things out! A lot of things can happen here and I refuse to be held responsible for any pain or humiliation caused…you can end up being just friends(half a loaf is..), or friends with benefit, or in a relationship, or total collapse of speaking terms!
Plan for the best, be prepared for the worst, expect surprises but continue to move forward anyway..best wishes
Any more ideas would be welcome in the comment box. I think have done enough here *removes lab coat and nerd glasses..happy celebrations!
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Dr. Morgan has said it all, stop slacking *side eye @Unorthodoxboi* and for guys looking for reasons not to set P this festive season, visit @Terdoh’s post on TSC and for girls who think their bf’s are giving them too much shit this festive period visit @TheFakeEsse’s post on TSC.

Word count: 798

Fighting against the truth

Posted in listen with tags , , , , , on November 17, 2011 by Yemi

For we can do nothing against the truth but for the truth………..

STOP BEING IGNORANT AND READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not fight the tears that welled up in my eyes as I read this excerpt about the black man from bnvillage.com. What you are about to read is the sad and glaring truth and many blacks have continued to uphold this true image of them and no matter how much we deny it “the truth is the truth until proven wrong.”

Negros this is where we all step in to fight not just against the truth but for the African man and African pride. For ourselves and our future generation.

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THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES We can continue to reap profits from the Blacks
without the effort of physical slavery. Look at the current methods of
containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED, and SELFISHNESS

Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once
said, “The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it in a
book.” We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity
to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for
freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous books readily
available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their
own Black Bookstores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic
equality (which should have been their fight all along), but few read
consistently, if at all.

GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the
abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal.
Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christmas, out of their 450
billion dollars in total yearly income (2.22%).

Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we
care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it. Being
primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They
continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing.

They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business.
Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, And they
still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them “Status” or
that they have achieved their Dream.

They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty
because their greed holds them back from collectively making better
communities.

With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often
broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to see
huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has even jeered
them, saying he doesn’t want their money, and look at how the fools spend
more with him than ever before!). They’ll continue to show off to each
other while we build solid communities with the profits from our businesses
that we market to them.

SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the major
ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois said that
there was an innate division in their culture. A “Talented Tenth” he called
it. He was correct in his deduction that there are segments of their
culture that has achieved some “form” of success. However, that segment
missed the fullness of his work. They didn’t read that the “Talented Tenth”
was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented Ninety Percent in achieving a
better life. Instead, that segment has created another class, a Buppie
class that looks down on their people or aids them in a condescending
manner. They will never achieve what we have. Their selfishness does not
allow them to be able to work together on any project or endeavor of
substance. When they do get together, their selfishness lets their egos get
in the way of their goal. Their so-called help organizations seem to only
want to promote their name without making any
real change in their community.

They are content to sit in conferences and conventions in our hotels, and
talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best
speakers, not to the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness? They
steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM)

They do not understand that they are no better than each other because of
what they own, as a matter of fact, most of those Buppies are but one or
two pay checks away from poverty. All of which is under the control of our
pens in our offices and our rooms.
Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to read,
continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are “helping”
their communities by paying dues to organizations which do little other
than hold lavish conventions in our hotels. By the way, don’t worry about
any of them reading this letter, remember, ‘THEY DON’T READ!!!!

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Please leave a comment and think more about what you just read.