My brother

Egbon mi.

I never knew you and you never knew me but still I have a strong urge to address you like you existed to me when you never did, although I think part of the reasons I choose to write to you is that the season of love is around the corner. You would have probably heard of valentine’s day in heaven. I am not doing this for you, hell no!!!! that’s some retarded ish. My studies show that babes dig a grieving guy and I am more than happy to supply material gains for sexual favors. OK I didn’t say that. So this is my letter to you.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I had a brother, an elder brother, a real hardcore niggar. The GAME (girls, alcohol, money and ecstasy) we would enjoy, don’t get me wrong I don’t do any of that shit. I am a bishop at least that’s what mum said the doctors called me when I was born but still I am no saint. Sometimes I think you came back in me, you know. Nobody has 5 daughters and keeps trying to see if he will eventually get a son after the first one gave up on life. Sometimes I think you never believed in life after birth while you were still in the womb, you never believed in mum, its permissible though, some people don’t believe in anything. Let me be quick and lay my blames.

1. You were not there to help me overcome my fear of cockroaches and lizards when every kid in my class kept lizards and frogs as pets, well I overcame that fear myself and by the time I was 13 years I could carry the wretched animals and torment them with my bare hands, and as for rats, I always loved killing them, I am sure we would have had a blast killing them together. I know some pussies who call themselves gangster that are scared out of their friggin minds whenever they see a rat, I wonder what went wrong with their childhood. So far I have killed 2 small snakes definitely venomous, I have stepped on the head of a scorpion definitely a dead one and I have climbed the roof top without an MC (I like to think I’m funny). Sometimes I feel my boarding school experience was not complete because I never scaled the school fence.
2. You were not there to make me understand why guys are unorganized and unclean, now I am this kind of over obsessive neat freak that can’t quit whining when a place is not as clean as I expect it to be.
3.  You were not there to lecture me on how to swoon a girl. I didn’t have my way with the ladies for a long time, the ones that did talk to me did so because I was somewhat cute and gentle. I still am. I didn’t know how to handle my crushes and so I let the emotions die with my zeal to say a word to my crush. Till now I don’t say much about how I feel but I am cool that way. Dad says 5 sisters and a mother are all the girls I need to know till I finish school.
4. You were not there to make me watch, learn and understand football and whenever my peers argue about football, I just hide myself behind my iPod and headphones and when I can, I contribute my own quota. I have begun to watch the sport though but I am not an ardent follower of the game and I have never seen any sport with more passion than football, I am a Manchester united fan and if you were here we would probably argue about how my club would beat yours.
5. You were not there to support me in doing those guy things that girls consider silly, you didn’t teach me how to love rap music and how to hate books without pictures.
6. You are not there now that I need a place to crash, both mum and dad are retired and trust me its hell living with retired parents, I used to love going to Abuja but our retired pups is there and our retired mum is in Lagos, I had crash at our eldest sister’s crib but she lives far away and her 2 children (our nephews) are a bunch of joyous killjoys. They have all kinds of naughty in them but they are still 2 of my favorite people in this world. I love them, you would love them also.

I can’t think of any more things to hold you responsible for, so I will let you off the hook for now.

I asked mum about you this morning and she said you were born on the 27^th of March, you were born blue and had many health complications, you would probably have been that sickly child that a parent spends their entire wealth on. I am OK with you not having have fought to survive besides I would most likely have to donate my liver, kidney, blood, testes, bone marrow and what have thee for you to live and I don’t think I am that nice. Not that I am not nice, I am probably the nicest person you would meet although I could be harsh sometimes but you already know that, seeing you are up in the heavens.

In all, the thought of having an elder brother is just overwhelming, I am kind of grateful you left when you did because I doubt if our parent would have bothered trying to have me seeing that they only wanted 6 children. I guess you gave your life up for me to have one and I will make your noble and benevolent deed count. Besides I was voted most likely to succeed back in school :D.

I think that’s about all the things I have to say. I hope you always pray for me wherever you are. Ciao.