FRIEND ZONE.

Question of the day: Who replaced the ‘Christ’ in Christmas and Christian with ‘X’……… I have never seen Jesus ‘X’ in the bible before.

Yay! Today is xmas day *dips hand in red bag and hands out gifts, spots the babe in an incredibly cleavage revealing dress and shouts Ho Ho Ho, come sit on santa’s leg* This post was meant to be up on the 24^th but got my hands tied up in some ish plus I spent an amazing 2hrs on an incredibly stupid queue at that new shoprite in ikeja, (cool place for not setting P, only if u want to get broke).

Anyway I bring to you my first guest blogger, one of my favorite seniors back in BMJS, it’s no other person than Mr. Morgan (@Mhorghan for twitter folks).

******************************************************************************************************************************
Today, am going to dissect the much talked about and dreaded friend zone.*wears lab coat*
As xmas approaches there has been a flurry of p setting going on and who better to set p with than whoever put you in this fix. There seems to be a general agreement that christmas would totally flop without the opposite sex. How true is this though? Before ‎​I proceed, I would like to define setting p. my tweet fam. have already seen this (ff @mhorghan :D)
*wears nerd glasses*
Setting p: a temporary activity undertaken to obtain a unique service. Thank you!:).. Moving on…
Friend zone is what you attain after you fail to impress the person you’re attracted to! #shikena.. There’s a big misconception that only dudes find themselves in this situation! Yea, its rampant among boys but it’s really terrible for a girl to be languishing here. Kindly replace masculinity with femininity where you deem fit.
Well…if you don’t know when you’re stuck in this situation.. Umm.. this post is not for you!..choi!!who’s crying there!??..okay..lemme explain a little.
It’s impossible not to know when you’re stuck in friend zone..You always want to spend time with her cos she’s on your mind a lot(like 20 outta 24hrs). She tells you about some other potential boyfriends. You think all her pm’s are directed at you. You hear phrases like: “I can talk to you about anything,“ “You‘re really a nice guy,” “You‘re like a brother to me,” “You‘re my best friend,” and “You understand me.” You’re longing for something more but she keeps telling you “thanks for being my friend”(emphasis on “friend”)..so many pointers..it’s like doing everything a boyfriend would do-without the benefits!:(.hey,you can stop crying now.)
Now that ‎​I have ascertained your position, there’s only one solution..GTFO!..Yes, for your continual sanity! don’t be the Mayor of friend zone.
How to leave the friendship zone
1) PRAY: *singing”prayer is the key, prayer is the key…”* never under-estimate the power of prayer. According to the W.H.O, 53% of people at ‘yaba left’ are there because of friend zone related issues. Can you see why you have to pray now?
2)DROP HINTS: hug her tighter. not those brief hugs that feel like a loose change!..Touch her. Her elbows, cheek, neck, hair..let her become accustomed to your touch (Am not saying touch her boobs tho!).‎If she doesn’t like it she would let you know. Don’t be desperate, RELAX! You may just get into one of those intense moments…and your friend zone roadblock is finally removed.
3)BREAK THE ‘NICE GUY‘/’SWEET GAL’ CAST: this should be an entirely new post ’cause this is your biggest task! People stuck in friend zone are always the ‘MR nice guys’ or ‘sweet gals’. Trying to make other people comfortable but doing so at the expense of your own emotions. The ladies see you as a shoulder they can cry on, someone to un-burden their thoughts to but NOTHING MORE. You have to break this cast. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but you should have your stop sign.
4)APPROACH: well..this can be avoided if no. 2 goes smoothly. You have to straighten things out! A lot of things can happen here and I refuse to be held responsible for any pain or humiliation caused…you can end up being just friends(half a loaf is..), or friends with benefit, or in a relationship, or total collapse of speaking terms!
Plan for the best, be prepared for the worst, expect surprises but continue to move forward anyway..best wishes
Any more ideas would be welcome in the comment box. I think have done enough here *removes lab coat and nerd glasses..happy celebrations!
*******************************************************************************************************************

Dr. Morgan has said it all, stop slacking *side eye @Unorthodoxboi* and for guys looking for reasons not to set P this festive season, visit @Terdoh’s post on TSC and for girls who think their bf’s are giving them too much shit this festive period visit @TheFakeEsse’s post on TSC.

Word count: 798