So far

I turned 13 on the 3rd of December (yep, you can now wish me hbd in arrears and send either mtn or etisalat credit to my DM box @yemijohnson or you can simply subscribe to my blog. Thank you). I ain’t actually 13 but until I am 6ft 2in (5 inches taller than I am now) and I need a machete to cut my beards, I remain 13.

I still don’t know what guy my age drags height with his sister.

Anyway since my birthday things have been quite cool at least seeing Frank Edwards, Sinach and other gospel artistes on stage no be beans and chilling in the business class lounge made me feel like a CEO ( my future is bright IJN).

Enough of me, it’s time to give you what I brought you here for. In the time I have spent here with the Homo sapiens specie, I picked up some very valuable life lessons. I hope you find them valuable, if not, Smurf you.

I call them the Never Ever’s.

  1. Never ever go to a bank to ask if they have cash “Nicccur where are you from.”
  2. Never ever dilute your mum’s facial products with water. She will kill you for ruining it.
  3. Never ever wish to kill a snake on New Year’s Eve. Your balls might fail you. I killed mine though.
  4. Never ever think that a clear and smooth road is freedom to drive without drivers’ license and car particulars. FRSC will bust your ass. Worst part was that no one knew I could drive.
  5. Never ever go to the bank to withdraw #500. Where is your pride?
  6. Never ever bring out your sanitary pad in class. Teenage boys could be idiots.
  7. Never ever choose the bigger ration of food before your elder sister. Sermons on respect are so not cool.
  8. Never ever leave your diary for all to see. Again teenage boys could be idiots.
  9. Never ever upload a nude picture of yourself as your avatar, its demeaning and besides we already got porn stars. This is meant to be deep.
  10. Never ever think that Amy Winehouse was a guy, Nelson Mandela is a movie star and Hannah Montana is a better singer than Miley Cyrus.
  11. Never ever write an exam without reading the instructions. The ?? (77) miracle does not happen frequently.
  12.  Never ever not learn how to cook noodles before entering the university. You will starve ooh.
  13. Never ever think it’s cool not to eat beans, now I wish I was taller.

**********************************************************************************************

I hope you enjoyed it I’m kind of losing touch with my humor.

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20 Responses to “So far”

  1. klusive kelly Says:

    I agree with u man . U are kind of loosin touch with ur humor. Nice 1 tho

  2. benjamin harbor Says:

    This is very creative and hilarious!!!!!

  3. Very nice…..👍!!!

  4. Do not ever wish to have a room mate like yemi…….that’s all

  5. Never ever say “Beards”.

    The plural of beard, is beard.

    Good read Yemi. 🙂

  6. funny n ingenious….

  7. never ever read this blog without commenting….

  8. this is nyce!!! funny.

  9. #gbe (its been a while since I said that)
    Haba, nyc piece bruv
    G’luck recoverin’ ur sense of humour, it’ll do every1 a lot of good

  10. Nice one! Totally agree wit no. 10 & 11.

  11. laura omofuma Says:

    : D … I like

  12. Ohhh! I still don’t know how to make noodles right, 🙂

  13. *runs in* i’m late. I knw i knw, but den i gats 2 comment. *takes a deep breathe* Nyc 1 bro! 🙂

  14. Taiwo Omobolurin Glory Akinnawo Says:

    nice one Yemi.

  15. lol, never ever go to the bank to withdraw N500, really, where is your pride, looll, nice blog yemi

  16. yemi my luv i am proud of u..mwuaaah

  17. kip it up

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