Stolen and Me

So, for the past 3 weeks, I have been unable to release a post worthy of your viewership. Trust me I’m trying but my schedule is very tight, sometimes I wonder how @kemmiiii does it.

I hope y’all enjoyed and understood the last post titled “THE DEATH POST”. If not, please re-read.

Today’s post is a combination of a short story I stole from a friend’s PC and my own personal crappy poem hence the title. ENJOY

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There were two nuns…

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It’s logical, he wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It’s not working.

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

You need to quench your thirst at *Insert thirst quenching site here*

******************************************************

Another penny for your patience.

******************************************************

Kissing is a habit

Sex is a game

There are 2 things involved

The pain and the pleasure

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get both………. (greedy bitches)

The guy says I love you

… you believe it’s true……. (ode)

But when your tummy starts to swell

He says to hell with you……. (sharp guy)

10 minutes of pleasure

9 months of pain

3 days in the hospital

A baby without a name

The baby is a bastard

The mother is a whore

This wouldn’t have happened

If the rubber was on……… (eeyah)

****************************************************

A final penny for liking this write-up enough to scroll down to the end.

****************************************************

I knew you first on my sweet entry into this world.

You were the first to comfort me and put me to sleep.

You made me feel at ease each time I was with you.

You took away my baby tears every time you swayed to and fro

With a slow and gentle rhythm, the breeze caressed my body

I felt all kinds of pleasure with you

And even when I had insomnia

I still had those pleasures in your presence.

I have grown older now

And I have been taught responsibility.

I have been taught how to fend for myself.

I have finally become a man and put away childish things

But I still miss the close times we spent together especially in my lazy years.

People say that if I wasn’t always with you,

I would have made it big

But I don’t regret any of those moments we shared together.

I remember that I was stuck with you in my ill days.

Although you didn’t give me any hope, I felt deep solace in you.

It was you that comforted me on my very first heartbreak.

It was with you I felt the most sincere, natural and deepest of all pleasures.

You ordained the union between me and my only love.

Since our separation I have missed you dearly.

I continually feel nostalgic with each passing second I spend away from you

But all is for a while and when I am through running this race for survival,

I will return to you and I hope you receive me with a deserving and warm embrace.

You spread your love to babes that knew you not from inception and I’m not an exception.

To you, I dedicate this elegy.

We met at my birth to become friends,

We remained best friends through life

And though we shall path at my death, the memories shall I take to heaven.

I miss you dearly my friend.

Stay safe and don’t let the bedbugs bite.

******************************************************

This is the part where I burst your bubble and tell you your thoughts and conclusions on this poem are wrong.

Yo!!! I’m talking about “MY BED”

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I’m out of pennies, see you soon.

Word count: 921.(I try)

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9 Responses to “Stolen and Me”

  1. Lool. Yemi. I was already guessing the bed was probably your mum.
    (y)

  2. I love, love, love all 3!!! Lovely read!

  3. Engr.Tej @juggernauttej Says:

    u got me there wiv d nun…smart

  4. Morgan (@mhorghan) Says:

    Nice poem!

  5. Yemi… Yemi… Yemi… How many times did I call you?

    *sigh*

  6. Ok so I don’t know which I like best. I also thought the last poem was for your mum too

  7. Adetola Daniels Says:

    I thought u were referrin 2 ur mum too, nice one tho

  8. loool, yeye boi, it was logical to think it was dirty joor, nice one, and all that was for ur bed………..wow, im wondering how long the ode to ur pillow will be!

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