My Predicament, My suitor

Dear Maltina people,

I read this off my sisters bbm and I decided to share it so that you can know how touching my story is but it’s far more critical. A touching Story: A little boy saw a puppy. He went near it & touched it. Again he touched it. Again he touched it.& again he touched it…. What a touching story . 😀 =D =))

I am not quite sure why I’m writing this or the consequences of this write-up. All I know is that I need help and no matter how ridiculous my story sounds (I’m a joker) I still need your aid. I would tell you my circumstances and then you would be compelled to help i.e. if you are human. Pardon me. I digress a lot.

Let me take time to describe myself; I am a light-skinned Nigerian, about 6 feet, stunning physique, glistening smile, beautiful eyes……. Words elude me in describing myself. Babes are enthralled by me. If you ask them about me, they had be like ‘His visage is simply electrifying.’ Their eyes could feed their tummy by looking at me, figuratively speaking they eat my pictures for breakfast, lunch and dinner.


I was born with a silver spoon……..*skipping childhood* My parents were able to satisfy me and even afford me some luxuries and blah, blah, blah, I was spoilt… Yay me, but that’s not your concern.

Case closed moving on…

You know that thrill you get that first day you enter university because of the independence and all….. Well I didn’t feel it not that I went to a school like Covenant. Hell no!!. I am in Unilag…… Yep that school people are willing to pay another man’s blood to enter….. To be honest there is nothing spectacular at the school (it’s just another abandoned government property).

My very first year in the school was exciting……. Partying till dawn, Drinking to stupor, Weeding till you are an unwanted nuisance, Carry babes till their fathers send the police after you. I had acquired a lot of friends most of them are acquaintances. Anyway I had become the god of their social lives, the buzz of their social activities, the highlight of their school year, blah blah blah, you get the drift sha. I organized more parties than anyone else, and best of all they were for free. In my first year I was the most talked about personality and it felt great although a particular somebody did not like the unwanted attention I was getting and it was this same person that kept me away from cultism, if not, I would be the baddest niggar on campus *BURN* I just had to be mellow although I owned this person.

At the end of the session, results were released and….. well *sigh* my results were terrible, my GPA was not even enough for an Airtel to Airtel flash (as E cheap so)  and God knows I can’t carry that kind of result home, my parents would literally kill me! Mayne!. My academics were about the only thing they could bother themselves with.

But no worries I had the best back up plan.


In that 9ja movie tone I say ‘gehn! gehn!! gehn! gehn!!.’

The VC was my suitor and provided me with all my needs i.e. the party money and other expenses. I practically owned the VC but that was my own little secret. No one could know my source of income, we would both be screwed. Since the first day the VC set eyes on me. He became gay in every respect…… Nah he was a pedophile from the onset …….. he kept on dropping innuendos for me. Well, I saw this as an avenue to answer my material needs by returning sexual favors….. what could go wrong as far as it was between me and the bald-headed, pot-bellied, fund-embezzling old man. He is not that old sha. All I needed to do was to rub his tummy and his head to satisfy him and occasionally I had to slightly touch his manhood to arouse him when he was proving a bit difficult but nothing intimate happened, he had pay less attention to his family for my sake, we rendezvoused every Tuesday and Sunday nights . It was like the movie ‘JENIFA’ all over again, I was the babe and the VC was Jide Kosoko. Pity. *now smh!!!.*

He had always been at my mercy but it was my turn to be at his mercy, I was asking for something that required recharge cards (huge bribe) and he refused to help me and was ready to lose my companionship, the only way was if I was willing to strike the devil’s deal with him *vigorous shrug* he knew how eager I was because my parents kept on pressing me for my results. These were the terms of the deal;

  1. I am to live in the apartment he bought for me and people were not to come visit me there, no one was even to know.
  2. I was to stop partying frequently and to stop carrying girls around.
  3. We were going to have more meetings and they will all be intimate *shrugs*

He arranged for security to guard the house as he could not trust me to keep to the terms of the deal; he practically owns me now…

My ass hole is sore and my manhood has become redundant. He shows me off to his gay friends like I’m his prized Louboutins. He has even organized for a babalawo to blind my eyes to women so that they will be unappealing to me. I want out but the odds are against me and I cannot risk my reputation. Kai. I don’t know what to say again, but I seriously need your help.

Remember that I’m in a quagmire of epic proportions (don’t know if this phrase is correct, just wanted to speak English).

Please provide solutions for me in the comment box.

Your guy in trouble

This is not yemi johnson


20 Responses to “My Predicament, My suitor”

  1. Haha!! Wow!! This is deep!! All kinds of deep!! The things people do for money!! SMH*

  2. ibetapassmynebo Says:

    Go to Mountain of Fire and Miracle Ministeries Headquaters Located in Yaba near UNILAG for deliverance programme… Dat shd help u! God bless u as u do so..

    Remember we love ya

  3. This nigga gay!

  4. dey alrite

  5. oboi a dey fear yhu o

  6. Nigga, you gay!…lol, I get that it’s not you though, but this is deep sha..anal?? ewwwww.

  7. Yemi!! You gay!! *in Riley’s voice*
    I say forget the old man! your parents cant kill you because of banging na?

  8. *sighs*…… one sure solution if all others dont work is ‘suicide’…… i bet u it works, i know some pals in deep shit like dis and BAMM, they took their life(or perhaps their lifes were taken) and all troubles were gone……. think about ma offer…….

    from ur dear executioner

  9. Screw the VC. *figuratively*
    What Kemi said. Your parents won’t kill you. The other option is death itself…
    My first time here 🙂

  10. @omo_phineboi Says:

    Lwkmdie…*pointing & laughing*..sorry mayne I can’t help..nice story tho!’My ass hole is sore Απϑ my manhood has become redundant’*laughs some more*

  11. bankysalaks Says:


  12. yemi!!!!!!!! wat is it dat u r not tellin us? lol@”my asshole is sore and my manhood has become redundant”

  13. Yo! This is just wrong. Damn!!!! Wrong! Wrong!! Wrong!!!

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