This is not karma

Was mugged on 28-07-2011

Today is going to be awesome was the only thought across my mind at the beginning of the day and well the day started out good and when it was about to climax everything turned upside. I was mugged and that is not even the worst part at least thank God that the blessed soul that robbed me gave me #500 to buy paraga for him before he took off, if not I would still be on the streets of computer village.

I set out around 11:30pm today with the sole intention of retrieving my mtn line and getting a blackberry curve 3, as I got out of my street an empty keke napep was just passing, #unusual but I assumed this was God’s way of giving me a go ahead, I got to the bus-stop where I was going to board another keke to ikeja, din’t even wait up to 5 minutes before the keke was filled unlike the last time that I waited over 30 minutes, I got there then I took an okada to mtn office at  opebi, where some magas first troubled me, to God be the glory I was able to retrieve my line but that is where I first noticed #1000 was missing from my pocket but as a big boy (not a wannabe type) I boned it, left mtn office, withdrew money from zenith bank and headed back to computer village.

PART 1 (Preambles)

I visited a guys shop about a laptop charger I purchased, the guy’s eyes were redder than sin, he had probably been drinking and smoking Indian hemp because by the time he came back, i could smell tomtom oozing from his mouth, it was as i he brushed with tomtom, unfortunately he disappointed me. Surprisingly but not so surprised (yes, I know what I’m saying) I saw bolo there (he knows himself) chatted a bit and departed, went straight to the shop to buy my blackberry curve 3 (see what peer pressure can cause but i won’t lie to you that I bought BB torch #moneycannotwaste *all na d same ping*), be informed my 32 gig itouch fourth generation was in my pocket. I continued my journey to my trusted supplier to buy the phone (I have doubts now), the guy also took a quick glance through my itouch then he said and I quote “who jailbroke your itouch, there is one app there I would like to get, can I get his number”, he said it with the a very disturbing igbotic accent but the guy is hausa sha! (Pelumi wherever you are someone admires your work), went ahead to another shop to buy screen guard and confirmed the price of an ipad 1 @Olupee I checked .


Was heading back towards the bridge all happy and gay (confused minds gay means merry), suddenly I felt a callus palm on my hand around my elbow, I looked back to see a dark yoruba man with stained yellow teeth and around the same height as I. I swear it seemed like the guy’s only hope of survival was the paraga and alomo he drinks with the regular dose of Indian hemp that leaves a man in the grave. My mistake was not brushing the guy aside early enough and I regret it. He calmed me down and threatened me saying that is other guys were around  (I think is threat was invalid), till now I actually don’t know what made me succumb to my maga maybe it was fear or pity. For a minute there I thought I could help him (I wonder who helps a thief, well I’m a nice guy), he kept on yammering about how the other guys had planned to dispose me when they were through but he was an alaanu (full of mercy)…. What kind of NFA is an alaanu (trust me everybody loves his life). We walked together to a more quiet place where he was able to hijack all my properties and he gave me #500 to go and buy paraga for him at a far corner. I took a few steps forward and by the time I turned back it was like he was never there, everything that happened eluded me, all I knew was that I wanted to get out of computer village. The items stolen from me where my newly purchased blackberry, my itouch and #1000, din’t really have cash again *ANGRY MUCH*

n.b: he had a knife but I would not lie he had a gun just not to look like a weakling.


I initially planned not to tell anyone at home but how would I explain. I started thinking about the money and where I would get a new phone from that moment. I wanted to force myself to cry but the tears would not even come, funny enough I kind of laughed over it. After all, every disappointment is a blessing. Right now I think I want him………………. Long pause…………….. ok, not dead but at least in prison not because he mugged me but because of the aftermath of the robbery. I have forgiven him though, but I stammered many times before the words came out of my mouth. Got home and told them the story, well we all know how that played out especially when they know my last phone was stolen and I was busted by VIO. We all have to give glory to the almighty God that I’m alive. Some people will not stop rambling about what happened to me #wishtheywillstop. Now every time i see a blackberry i get annoyed, i don’t even want a phone again (don’t take my last sentence seriously ooh, ….. i totally want a new phone).

n.b: if you want to get me a bb or itouch, I will be more than willing to collect………….. I’m not joking

MY ADVICE: don’t trust anybody and if you have to be paranoid please do and just because you are a good person does not mean good will always come to you.

Your maga

Yemi Johnson


12 Responses to “This is not karma”

  1. Awwwwwwwwww!! Yemi I should have read this earllier!! Im so sorry!!!
    You’re still feeling gay are you?

    • my mind was confused with the *gay* word initially…… (yes i’m all smiles now, decided to put it all behind me) but all the same thanks for your sympathy

  2. wale curtis Says:

    pele………………..sowi….buh nxt tym b smart .dey touch yu in cv u run

  3. olupitan olusanya Says:

    good ideas nd concepts u hav here keep it up

  4. pele mehn, but dis ish is really nice, the way u put up d whole ish wit the silent suspence

  5. Very funny… (Y) … Still dnt av a ?

  6. seriously ,this is really nice and funny but sorry all the same sha ,

  7. […] Embarrassing right! It was painful and the ridicule was even worse (you can read up on the story here. I have refused to edit the story despite the numerous errors. It was the incident that propelled […]

  8. So real……

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